I think my vagina is haunted
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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