I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
