my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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