$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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