So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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