I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
