i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
