Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
