His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
