i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I understand Curling. That high.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
