I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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