I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
