Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
