So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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