hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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