How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry about my life...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
