i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
