I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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