Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
