i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
