i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
