Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
