Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
