I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
