I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
