3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
