my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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