A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
