Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
