I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
