can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
