I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
