Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
