I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize