I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
