i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
