i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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