WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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