Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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