I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
