i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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