if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
