I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
