I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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