Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
