Well apparently he's into motor boating.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I FOUND THE LEGS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
