you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
