I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
