is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize