Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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