Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
