Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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