You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
