Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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