the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i've created a new STD.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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