Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
