I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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