well I can't set my house on fire every night
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
