I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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