i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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