Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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