When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
