So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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