Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
