Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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