Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize