Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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