So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
