It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
