Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
