I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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