After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
two words: eviction party
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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