Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize