they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize