she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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