It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
